bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
