Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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