Your mouth is God's brothel.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
