I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
