I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
