I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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