please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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