Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
