I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wear drunk well.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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