Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
