Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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