i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
