okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
