Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
