don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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