If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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