what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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