im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
