I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize