how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
