Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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