I want to make a zoo with you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
