i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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