how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
