The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
