And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
