remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize