we're blogging at a bar
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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