I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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