When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
