im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
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that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.