i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug