yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
