ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
