People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
