Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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