Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My ass is underappreciated
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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