he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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