I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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