I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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