I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
