Me. At least after what I've been through.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
