his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have fence marks all over my body
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?