Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house