I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
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Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness