dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.