since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen