You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying