I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.