I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore