Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
