I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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