I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
