Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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