Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude. I can hear the air.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
