we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
