he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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