sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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