Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
