just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
