i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize