I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
