I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
