apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
