An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
