that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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