i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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